If I ruled the universe then everything would be so much better, and you
all would be a hell of a lot happier, because it would be the law, and
anyone who wasn't happy would have the choice of being thrown down the
bottomless pit my engineers would have engineered or being castrated. And
if they were female I'd make them have a sex change then give them a
choice, damn women without their balls. Oh, did I mention that they would
be castrated on a table with lots of pins and glass and rusty nails and
stuff on it without any of that wimpy anaesthetic, who needs that shit?
I'd be the only person allowed to use anaesthetic and even then it would
only be when I'm having my teeth replaced with super titanium ones
because all my original teeth got dead from eating too many gummy bears,
gummy bears friggin rock.

All women would be forced to walk around in loin cloth like material so
that me and my friends could make it fall off really easily and quickly,
but only me and my friends, anyone else who did it got shot, right in the
ovaries. And if they're male well get some gay like Hitler to shove some
up the guys arse then we'll shoot the arsehole.  Then we'll shoot the
gay who would actually go near the guy's arse in the first place. Because
even if I offered you this job or death you should choose death, because
at least then you'll die a man's death. Death by head butting a wall.

I'd get some computer geeks to make me a computer that actually works,
like properly and doesn't crash all the time, shitty windows, and I don't
want any of that Apple shit, anyone who suggests I use an Apple gets given
AIDS. Linux would be OK, but as a challenge I'd make them program it using
a Windows computer. Yeah, writing a Linux program on a Windows computer,
that's what you get for being a computer geek.

At some point in my almighty rein of everything I'd get some person or
other to get rid of all the gay office assistants, especially Clippy the
paperclip, god-damn him so much. I think I'll get someone to make it so
that every time you open up word you get to see a picture of a Clippy
straightened out and impaled in one of the other assistants, or possibly
all of them lined up in a nice neat row.

By Poke