HOW TO PISS PEOPLE OFF…AT THE MOVIES
BY: DIzzIE Ó2000 (we made it, damn!)

Here are some various things to do that are guaranteed to get you kicked out from… the movies. 
    Ah, the movie theater, when the lights go out no one can see you or know that it's you doing "it." What "it" can you be doing? Here are some nice "its" for you kids:

·	Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.
·	Bring a flashlight and shine it on the walls or ceiling, in advance draw an outline of a guy screwing a chick (or perhaps another guy), then cut out the outline and put it in front of the flashlight, so the image can be seen on the wall or ceiling. 
·	Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.
·	If you can get into the projector room you can do one of many things, including (but not limited to) 
o	Paint the lens on the projector different colors.
o	Put the projector on fast-forward or rewind and superglue the button down, so nobody can stop it.
o	Go to the projector room of a children's movie, that's about to start playing, switch the children's tape with some cool R movie. Lock the projector room door, and jam something into the lock so no one can open the room. Then while the previews are still playing quickly go down to the theater room (the room where everybody is sitting in, waiting for the previews to be over) and get some of those chain bike locks. Lock the doors to the showroom from the outside, make sure to look the exit located by the big screen. So now little kids and pissed off parents are forced to watch Saving Private Ryan, instead of Toy Story. This will definitely get into the media (with the proper tip-off of course) and will put the theater out of business, or if not that, it will still lower the amount of people attending the theater, forcing the theater to make ticket prices higher, so then even less people will go the theater, so yeah, the theater will be put out of business! SUCCESS! 

·	Bring some smoke bombs and fireworks to make the movies a more exciting experience. In the midst of the smoke and explosions toss water balloons filled with shit and piss at the people, just don't use your own shit and piss, cuss they can trace you.
·	Smuggle in cans of roaches (the insect, not the other type…), locusts, ants, and other bugs that can annoy and reproduce quickly. You may even bring in some rats. Then sit in the very back, open the jars, and toss the bugs out on the ground. Since the floor is more slanted in the back the bugs will spread throughout the theater faster. Be sure to be the first one to raise and scream "There's a cockroach crawling up my leg!" Then run out into the lobby and start yelling "there's cockroaches in here!" Or "This theater is contaminated!" The theater will have to close down and fumigate the showroom(s), and after this little "accident" no one will want to go back to the theater anyway!
·	Bring a pager or cell fone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.
·	Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.
·	Pass by rooms that are playing children's movies and yell hardcore cusswords into the room. You can then quickly run away or sit down and pretend like you were enjoying the movie when some rude person ruined your day <that's a nice statement to give when being questioned by the fuzz.
·	Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending.

Also, as long as we're on the subject of movies, here are a couple ways to get free popcorn:

A)	Order a large popcorn, pay for it, turn around, and quickly slip in a dead cockroach or other bug into the popcorn bag, then turn around and show it to the cashier. They will usually refund your money and give you a complimentary bag right away, if they don't insist that they do, even ask to speak to the manager, and start saying that you'll call the Health and Sanitation Department.
B)	Some movie theaters have a special deal that if you purchase a large popcorn or drink you get a free refill. Find an abandoned cup at a room where the movie just ended, take it to the restroom, wash it out (not necessary to do to the popcorn back, because that will ruin it, smart guy), then go up to the counter and get your "refill," sometimes you may need to show a ticket stub, so just fish one out of the trash or off the floor.

We come to an end of yet another magnificent phile

Email me at xcon0@yahoo.com or fax me at 1-559-663-4067

-TOOTLES!