Ü ÜßÝ Ü Ü Ü ßÝ ßÝ Ý Ý Ý Ý Û Ý Ý Ý BLaH Ý ß Ý ÜßÜ Ý Ý File ÝßÜ Ý ÜÝ ÝßÝÜÝ Written August 5th, 1992 #016 Ý Ýig Ýong ÜßÝ Ýnd Ý Ýairy Ý Ý Ý Þ Ý Ý Ý ÝÜß ÝÜÜÝ ßÜÜßÞ ÜÝ ÞÜ Presents Ú ÄÄ ¿ "The Fine Art of BBS Warring" ³ by ³ Constantine À ÄÄ Ù Originally descended from the archaic rites of Oriental blademasters, the BBS flame-war represents both the epoch and the nadir (look that up in your Fuck n' Wagnalls) of computer culture. It can be a battle of wits between worthy opponents, each building on the last's insult to reach repartee of classic proportions. Or, more often, it looks like this: #1: You suck. You suck big donkey dicks. #2: Yeah? Your MOM sucks big donkey dicks. And YOU suck big donkey dicks. #1: Well, you still suck. #2: So do you! Sad picture, isn't it? This file is the beginning of an eventual tutorial on the fine art of BBS warring. Read and learn, but remember the ancient Oriental proverb that likened the warrior's wit to his blade-- both, it is said, may cut a tin can in half, but only the wise man will still be able to slice a tomato. CHOOSING YOUR VICTIM Most BBSes that allow warring have a special base set aside for the purpose. If so, don't piss off your sysop by taking it outside the base-- that makes the war personal, and can get a LOT of people upset at you. With that in mind, scan through the messages and look for a suitable victim. Let's say that you read this: #1: You make me retch with pity for your pathetic attempts to attack me, you bile-licking, phlegm-drinking, mucuous-drenched excuse for a Bee-Gees fan. #2: Yeah? Well, you suck big donkey dicks! Hmmm.. #1 has been doing this for a while, and he seems rather literate. Probably a local heavyweight, and more than a challenge for a first-time warrior. #2, on the other hand, is such a pushover that anyone challenging him would have to be the kind of person who kicks stray animals. #2, right? I would, too. This is called "getting a notch on your gunbelt". THE INITIAL ATTACK If you are attacked on a flame board, then you're in luck- YOU get to make the response, and the burden is on the attacker. If not, you're going to have to throw the first punch. When composing your insult, make sure that you don't have any glaring loopholes that a crafty opponent can exploit-- wordplay is the name of the game. The first attack is a dangerous position, but sooner or later, you'll be in the most comfortable place.. DEFENSE That's right-- unlike many sports, the BEST place to be in a flame war is on the defense. Why? Because your opponent has just HANDED you a post to rip on, and the worse a fighter he is, the more openings there will be for YOU. Simply break down his insult, turn it around, and throw it back at him. Here is a VERY simple example, a classic "mama/yo mama" counter attack: #1: Hey, your mom is great in bed. #2: Is that what YOUR mom told you? Rather than refuting the actual statement, the warrior lets the main "sting" go in favour of building on the insult and rebounding it. Keeping your cool is paramount-- the kind of person who gets upset by a flame post (which are usually not personal) and starts whining about it to the sysop is the kind of person who shouldn't HAVE a modem in the first place. SUMMARY In short, be nasty and have fun. The BBS flame-war is one of the most honorable and time-tried contests between computerists (most of whom are smarter than the average Joe), and well worth experiencing first-hand. I am currently devising an actual rules-set (involving scoring and a referee) to bring this art form into a higher ground, and will make it available freely to all when it is completed-- until then, keep on flaming. [Guidonote: I have warred with Connie before, it is a treat, heaping insult upon insult. Have fun and go with it!] {---End of File... Safe-T-Nutz v0.90á says "4988 Bytes Total"---------------} Yah, well, lick my love pump you weasel-mammaried plot of sloth dung.. For BLaHfiles, old, current and new, call these fine BLaH ts... Nun-Beaters Anonymous | <780>251-5094 | 110/16.8k Hell Bound | <708>965-8965 | 2400/14.4k The Insane Asylum | <305>927-3028 | 2400/16.8k The Realm of Death | <419>475-3089 | 2400/16.8k BLaH : "We're not as original as you think" {---Propaganda Line, stand in it to get some potatoes...--------------------}