"Some of these are cynical and some are sexist. Apologies if you are offended. Enjoy the ones you find funny." MARRIAGE HUMOR Mostly from ``Another Almanac of Words at Play'', by Willard Espy. + ``It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out next morning it was someone else.'' -- Rogers + ``If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.'' -- Chekhov + ``The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.'' -- Coleridge + ``Were it not for imagination, sir, a man would be as happy in the arms of a chambermaid as a duchess.'' -- Dr. Johnson + ``If a man hears much that a woman says, she is not beautiful.'' -- Haskins + ``A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself.'' -- Du Bois + ``A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house.'' -- Moliere + ``Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.'' -- Goethe + ``In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.'' -- Butler + ``A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy.'' -- Nietzsche + ``Men who cherish for women the highest respect are seldom popular with them.'' -- author unknown + ``Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.'' -- Dumas + ``Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little.'' -- Dr. Johnson + ``The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?'' -- Freud + ``Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is to a cockatoo.'' -- Shaw + ``Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.'' -- Montaigne + ``For a male and female to live continuously together is... biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition.'' -- Robert Briffault + ``Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.'' -- Baskins + A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own flowers. + A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished. + Marriage is a rest period between romances. + Marriage is the sole cause of divorce. + Marriage is a trip between Niagra Falls and Reno. + Marriage is an institution -- but who wants to live in one? + Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred. + Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. + Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence. -- Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing. Remember: Only ONE joke per submission. Extra jokes may be rejected.