+-------------------------------------+ ! ! ! Nowonkanu FCC Too Many: ! ! Journey into the Unwanted Zone ! ! ! ! Written by Fritz Mertens ! ! 5/8/85 ! ! ! ! Realm of the Rogues:415-941-1990 ! ! The Haunted House :415-941-7256 ! ! Greater Los Angeles:415-854-0684 ! ! South Side of the Sky: 408/738-1685 ! ! ! +-------------------------------------+ ------------ Anarchy inc. ------------ Due to the recent influx of billions and billions of Nwonknu BBSs, there was ample room, and sufficient need for a parody. Remember to take this in the light-hearted humorous manner in which it is presented. Thanks to Ken, cause if it weren't for him, this T-file just wouldn't exist! So, without further ado, on with the great adventure into the Unwanted Zone! ======================================= AE: Term--> You have made it to: The one... The only... The truly incomperable... The Nowonkanu FCC Too Many Sysop:Ken Homrich (Nowonkanu) -=-=- Co-sysops:The Unbuckled -=-=-=-=- Kristy The Outlawed Mr. Mischevious The Biter Black Panther Angry Hacker The Snake Lady Azure The Thai-Pan A Stool and a cast of thousands! Enter Password (or 'NONE') :~~~~ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Please use this menu to configure THE NOWONKANU FCC TOO MANY to your terminal -- L - Linefeeds............ON D - Printer Delay........0 C - Case Toggle..........LOWER W - Screen Width.........40 T - Twirling Cursor......OFF K - Keyboard.............QUERTY S - Kitchen Sink.........OUT Q - Quit This Section Enter (L,D,C,W,T,K,S,Q,?) :Q Welcome to my (and only mine, never forget that, it's all mine, and what's mine is mine!) system. Make sure you use the "I" command once on, or the Great God Nowonkanu will smite you down. If you have any comments/ donations/complaints/donations/ suggestions/donations/questions/ answers/DONATIONS or just want to write me, please feel free to leave "F"eedback. Also, I will be calling you (voice), so leave me a message leting (sic) me know when to call. All this information will be recorded and sent to the F.B.I, so leave correct information. Thanks! Please give alias below... Please answer the following questions- What do you wish to be called? >JHONNY THE AVENGER Format: [XXX-XXX-XXXX] Enter your 'voice' phone# :415-326-4930 You are JHONNY THE AVENGER Phone: 415-326-4930 Is this correct? Y Checking user file...OK Answer these questions for our records: Real Name (full):MAXWELL SMART Birthdate (Format:MM/DD/YY):02/29/72 Social Security #:865-56-9845 Mother's Maiden Name:SWENSON Visa/Mastercard #:4128 426 238 925 Expiration date:05/86 Credit limit (in $):2000 Home address: #/Street:321 RIDGEWAY DRIVE City:REDWOOD CITY State:CALIFORNIA Country:UNITED STATES Continent:NORTH AMERICA House color:GREEN How much will you donate to this system (in $10 increments):0 ** INSUFFICIENT RESPONSE ** How much will you donate to this system (in $10 increments):10 Are you sure? Y Do you want a [P]assword, or to just look around as a [G]uest? :P Please enter a four letter combination to be used as part of your password. Password letters:FBI1 Your Password is --> 69FBI1 Please make a note of your new password and be very careful not to lose it, else the wrath of Nowonkanu be upon you! You will need it each and every time you log into THE NOWONKANU FCC TOO MANY... Press any key to enter system: On-Line: JHONNY THE AVENGER Good Lunchtime! It's 12:12:12 PM. Last Caller was: CRACKERJACK KID (Sorry, no mail waiting for you.) -=-=- A N N O U N C I N G . . . -=-=- [CTRL-S 2 PAUSE/SPACE 2 QUIT] 7th of May: Wow! We just got a K-K-K00l new user, and I think we should all bow and scrape to him, he's so K-RAD! His name is Mr. Magneto, and he comes to us from the superior BBS of The Lost Land. He's way up in the levels there, but is only level 3 here! He decided to bless our BBS, and start calling here, wow, isn't that neat? Well, he might run a game, if we ask him pretty-please, and give him hard, cold cash. So get your wallets out, and salute our new user, Mr. Magneto! I'm just tickled pink to welcome Mr. Magneto to our BBS...Wow! Ken -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Nowonkanu FCC Too Many Main Menu -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- [A] Announcing... =-= [*] Boreds List [B] K-K-K00l BBSs -=- [$] Upset Change [C] Chat with Ken =-= [&] New Boarder [D] Delete Drivel -=- [%] All Boarders [E] Electric Mail =-= SysOp: [F] Feed the Sysop-=- Ken Homrich [G] General Sex =-= [I] Info/T-shirts -=- Co-SysOps: [L] Last 10 Losers=-= too many to list [M] List of Losers-=- [N] Peek NewMsgs=#= Call Nowonkanu's [O] Get Off Now. -1- (415) 555-4194 [P] Post Drivel =2= (415) 555-3831 [S] Scan Drivel -3- (415) 555-9865 [T] Time to go =4= (415) 555-3705 [V] Vote 4 Nothin -5- (415) 555-5179 [Y] Yer Status =6= (415) 555-2306 [!] Get Off Quick -=- More on [B] list -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- [GOD I'M GOOD....] [1]: THE MAIN BOARD [?=MENU] COMMAND:I -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- -=- System Info/Rules/T-Shirt Info -=- [CTRL-S 2 PAUSE/SPACE 2 QUIT] This System is run on: Apple Hard Drive Clock Modem Screen Printer Rules for Users: No Swearing No Phreaking No Hacking No Pirating No Alcohol No Sex No Drugs No Rock & Roll No Nothing! Be Mature Be Polite Be Prepared ** D O N A T E ** System Location: The Nowonkanu FCC Too Many C/O Ken Homrich 123 Main Street Your Town, USA T-Shirt Info: The Nowonkanu FCC's are offering to create iron-ons for t-shirts for outrageous prices; only $10 each, $50 for 4. These are guaranteed to fade within a month, or you can buy another at full price! Just give us a pic (in apple readeble (sic) form unless it is a text picture). If you don't have AE to upload it, tuff beans, that'll cost you xtra $$$! Send the bucks and pic to the above address, and we'll make sure to get to your order in the next 3 months. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- [LADY AZURE IS A LAZY BUM!!] [1]: THE MAIN BOARD [?=MENU] COMMAND :B -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- -=- K-K-K00L Bulletin Board Systems -=- [CTRL-S 2 PAUSE/SPACE 2 QUIT] The Nowonkanu FCC 1........415-555-4194 The Nowonkanu FCC 2........415-555-3831 The Nowonkanu FCC 3........415-555-9865 The Nowonkanu FCC 4........415-555-3705 The Nowonkanu FCC 5........415-555-5179 The Nowonkanu FCC 6........415-555-2306 The Nowonkanu FCC 7........415-555-8528 The Nowonkanu FCC 8........415-555-3756 The Nowonkanu FCC 9........415-555-4576 The Nowonkan List by The NOWONKANU FCC TOO MANY -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- [CALL THIS LAME BBS: 415-555-4194] [1]: THE MAIN BOARD [?=MENU] COMMAND :L -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- -=- Last 10 Losers -=- - Ago - Name of Loser - Lvl - -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- - 1 - CRACKERJACK KID - 2 - - 2 - THE UNBUCKLED - 8 - - 3 - KEN HOMRICH - 9 - - 4 - LADY AZURE - 8 - - 5 - KEN HOMRICH - 9 - - 6 - KEN HOMRICH - 9 - - 7 - KEN HOMRICH - 9 - - 8 - THE UNBUCKLED - 8 - - 9 - KEN HOMRICH - 9 - - 10 - KEN HOMRICH - 9 - -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- [FREE SEX...WITH A DOG: CALL 555-3831] [1]: THE MAIN BOARD [?=MENU] COMMAND :F Sorry, that section is only available to users of level 2 access. After your information is verified by the SysOp, and you leave [F]eedback, you may receive access. [YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER...] [1]: THE MAIN BOARD [?=MENU] COMMAND :* -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: : Bulletin Boards - Menu : ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: [1]...The Main Board [2]...The Gaming Board [3]...The Music & Movies Board [4]...The Jokes Board [5]...The For Sale/Wanted Board [6]...The Bored Board [7]...How Have You Helped Nowonkanu [8]...What Should be in a BBS? [9]...Certainly Not This! [10]..Why Not? [11]..Because it Looks Dumb! [12]..Ok, I'll Stop it Then. [13]..Good For You! [14]..The Starry-Eyed League (Club) [15]..The FCC (Air-Wave Regulators) [16]..IBM Board [17]..Apple Board [18]..Timex-Sinclair Board [19]..Free For All Sex Board [20]..Advice&Consent Board/Lady Azure Now Active: The Main Board Select (1-20, Q=Quit) Board #Q -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- [KEN'S HOUSE OF PANCAKES-NO RELATION!] [1]: THE MAIN BOARD [?=MENU] COMMAND :M -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- -=- Master List of Losers -=- [L]ist, [S]earch, [H]elp, [Q]uit :L THE NOWONKANU FCC TOO MANY Losers List: [CTRL-S 2 PAUSE/SPACE 2 QUIT] 1. ALEXANDER O'ATLANTIS 2. ANGRY HACKER 3. BEOWULF 4. BILL THE CAT 5. BITBRAIN 6. BLACK PANTHER 7. BOUNTY BOB 8. CAP'N HACK 9. CAPTAIN HACKER 10. COMPUTER MAN 11. DEAR ABBY 12. DILVISH 13. DISC DECODER 14. DONALD DUCK 15. DROOPY EYES 16. E-MAIL MAN 17. HEIDI 18. JIMMY THE PHREAK 19. KEN HOMRICH 20. KID SAFARI 21. KRISTY 22. LADY AZURE 23. MR. MANIAC 24. MR. MISCHEVIOUS 25. PLEASURE VICTIM 26. PRINCE OF DARKNESS 27. RAP-MASTER 28. SKATE 'N DESTROY 29. SOMEONE ELSE 30. THE BITER 31. THE CRACKERJACK KID 32. THE DESTROYER 33. THE LAST STARFIGHTER 34. THE MODEM HACKER 35. THE OUTLAWED 36. THE SCUZZ 37. THE SNAKE 38. THE THAI-PAN 39. THE THRASHER 40. THE UNBUCKLED 41. THE WABIT 42. TITAN PROMETHEUS 43. YE OLDE TAVERN -- End of List -- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- [NOWONKANU WEARS WOMAN'S CLOTHES] [1]: THE MAIN BOARD [?=MENU] COMMAND :S -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- -=- Scan/Read Drivel -=- There are 8 messages posted Accessing the Main Board... Scan from [1-8/N=New] :1 *1. %THIS BOARD *2. Now, what do we do? *3. I dunno, any suggesions? *4. NUKE THIS BOARD!!! *5. ^^^Bad Idea. *6 %COME ON GUYS, VOTE! *7. About Mr. Magneto... *8. %PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU! [S]can/[Q]uit/[1-8, Last=0] :1 Numb: 1 Subj: %THIS BOARD From: KEN HOMRICH Date: Sun Mar 3 8:39:36 PM POST ABOUT ANYTHING THAT WON'T FIT ON ANOTHER BOARD...DO IT HERE! WE ARE 1200 BAUD NOW... WE HAVE A K-K-K-K00L SYSOP... AND MANI INTERESTING FURRY ANIMALS... INCLUDING THE MAJESTIC M00SE! KEN [S]can/[Q]uit/[1-8, Last=1] :Q -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- [ONE DAY, POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!] [1]: THE MAIN BOARD [?=MENU] COMMAND :O Ready to Log-Off [Y/N]? Y -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Sign-off Loser #4117 at 12:35:56 PM Please call THE NOWONKANU FCC TOO MANY again! Good-Bye, JHONNY THE AVENGER... -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- AE: Connection Terminated ======================================= Well, there you have it, your first (and only) excursion into the Unwanted Zone of THE NOWONKANU FCC TOO MANY. We hope you enjoyed it, or at least got a good laugh...till next time, Edios! This has been an Ed-Co production... Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open