***************************************************************** * * * The Digital Gang: Rag File 1 * * Written by: The Cookie Monster * * * ***************************************************************** The first time I ever heard of the Digital Gang, was on "Super Hires Scroller". I thought it was a pretty nice program. Useless, but nice. I thought The Dragon Lord and Tom E. Hawk were pretty cool people. They did nice work, they had a certain extent of originality. Over the months, they put out more and more software. Their originality started to fade. Every title page looked the same. It seemed that they had a liking for a particular font named "Park Avenue". But still, I respected The Dragon Lord and Tom E. Hawk a lot. I thought that they had to be pretty smart people to crack that many wares. On the other hand Sherlock Apple never did match up to them. He obviously only bought the wares. He had money but no talent. As the months progressed, I kept trying to get something decent to crack. I had found over cracking a lot of software and staying up late swearing at my computer,that I could crack most any software that could come out for the Apple. Finally, I got a call from my friend The Owl. He said he had been trying to reach me for the past two weeks (you see, I have a social life too), and that he had a hot new ware for me to try and crack. I thought it was another old one. Something like Dinosaur Dig that had more challenge in putting a title page on than in cracking it. Well, I was sort of right. It was an incredibly easy crack. It was also called "Raid Over Moscow". It was the best game that had come out for a long time. The Raven helped me distribute it, in exchange for having his name on the page. I thought this was cool especially since I wasn't on very many out of state boards and he was. So I let him do it. It was uploaded everywhere. All of a sudden, we were popular, everyone wanted us on their boards. I didn't call everyone's board, but I did do something I had wanted to do for a very long time. The Raven and I talked with The Dragon Lord. He was stupider than I thought. The whole time we talked with him, he shouted at the TV set. I thought he wasn't playing with a full deck, but Raven told me that he was over enthusiastic about sports. I never did get him to talk technical with me. Then there was time that he sang "Shot In The Dark" by Ozzy Ozbourne over the phone to Raven, this made Raven wonder if I was right about TDL's mental state. We never did get close to the reclusive Tom E. Hawk. I wondered if there was more than everyone knew and believed about Digital Gang, but I never bothered to ask.... A couple of months later, we met up with some more people. They were basically unknowns. But we didn't care, just as long as they weren't imbeciles. We met a person named Apple Spy. He had something to tell us. I don't think he would have ever come to us if it hadn't been for Digital Gang's idiocy. There is a board called The Haven. I knew that several of Digital Gang's members were on there, but I had never called it. Raven told me a lot about it though. Apparently, someone had stolen part of Micro Nut's exclusive BBS software and Digital Gang was using it in their other BBS, Apple Trade Center. Micro Nut accused them of stealing (which is a ridiculous concept for pirates anyway) and Dragon Lord and Schmucklock Apple got upset. They called for a boycott and they got about 12 people to participate. The people who did participate were losers anyway, so there wasn't any real loss. DG even had the gall to say the Raven participated, even though he still calls The Haven occasionally. They had done more than ask for a boycott though. They attacked Apple Spy in the rudest form I can even imagine. Apple Spy had recently had a heart-attack. Dragging Whore and Schmucklock Apple had thought this was funny (in their own sick way) and decided to rag on Apple Spy for it. They sent him E-Mail that said "Apple Spy will die!!" and several other things not worth mentioning. I couldn't believe it. I had never heard of pirates being so inhumane. Well Apple Spy told us more. He told us that Dragging Whore never could crack. He once spent 10 hours trying to crack "Fuzzywomp", which isrX very simple DOS 3.3 crack. He told us that the only thing that Dragging Whore had ever cracked on his own was something called "Decimal Sheet". Then the question came; Then who does crack their stuff? Apple Spy told us... Tom E. Hawk. He said that TEH never was into the fame and glory game and that he cracked just for the challenge. So Dragging Whore would just get the cracked software from Tom E. Hawk and slap a title page on proclaiming that he had actually cracked it. With a nice little "Thanks Tom E. Hawk" down at the bottom. Tom never protested, so there wasn't a problem. Dragging Whore was destined for the pirate hall of fame (I don't know where it is, but I suspect that it is on some lame BBS screaming for users). I asked Apple Spy about "Super Hires Scroller", what was TDL's contribution to that? The title pages were all that he did. Well, at this point, I was only slightly upset. It wasn't because they were lying to every damn pirate in the nation, it was because once, I had looked up to these guys. I still did look up to TEH and continue to do so. Even if he did "steal" his code from EOA for his booter. It still is an incredible booter. Soon, I became furious... Apple Spy continued to tell us about our own ware "Raid Over Moscow". The night that it was distributed, Dragging Whore picked up a copy from someone (I imagine it was Schmucklock). He called Apple Spy and told him about this awesome new action game. He said that he wanted to release it. After all, who had heard of The Bunnymen before this? He told Apple Spy that they had already put a new title page on it (cracked by you know who). Dragging Whore wanted Apple Spy to call up The Haven and remove our crack so their version could be uploaded. Apple Spy then told Dragging Whore the news. He already had it and he had been playing all day... At this point Dragging Whore got very upset. If Apple Spy had it, then everyone probably everyone had it. If they released it, then everyone would rag on them for a double release (another stupid concept). So Dragging Whore held back and didn't touch it. Raven and I once talked to Dragging Whore about "Raid Over Moscow". This was before we even knew about what he had tried to do with our title page. He explained to us that it was already in the stores up in Canada and that they had plans to release it, but they were too busy (right). Access Software is about 10 miles from my house. To this date, they still haven't released "Raid Over Moscow". Our next big release was "Intrigue". It was also a great piece of software. We had been offered garbage like "Glidepath" (a real tough Applesoft crack, Martyr, you stupid ass-kisser), but we turned it down. We had also gotten "Universe II". We had it for about two months. I had never bothered to look at it, because I had just gotten my Amiga and was enjoying it entirely. Raven didn't care either, his copy was buried in his room. We let Dr. Encinitas look at it, he screamed at its complexity (no offense Dr. E.), so I realized that I probably didn't have time to screw with it. Besides, I would rather go see "Lords of The New Church" with two voluptuous females than stay home and crack "warezz". So we let it pass.. The news came later that Digital Gang was planning to release "Universe II" very soon. Raven requested for me to look at it. I finally said OK. I went over to his house and he told me that he had just gotten "Intrigue". I read the review and I decided that it looked better than "Universe", so I did it. It took about 15 minutes to crack. There was a small problem with the code for the safe. I told Raven that I didn't have time to screw with it. He told me that was fine and that he would make sure that all the codes to the safe were included on the dox. I asked if I could leave, but he reminded me about "Universe II". He asked to me to take a look at it at Alley Cat's house if I had time. Right now I have no idea where that disk is. Raven frequently jokes with me about returning the disk. After getting the disk from him, I then walked out the door and saw "Ferris Bueler's Day Off" (I thoroughly recommend to any DG member who hasn't been out of his room for three years). The next day, Raven told me that "Intrigue" had been distributed everywhere with the dox. He also told me that a new member Mr. Slick had just cracked "Universe II". He said that we had to hurry and release it. He told me that Rick Rocker had informed him that Digital Gang was planning to release it the next day. I told him that I really didn't care. He told me that all I needed to do was to go down to Alley Cat's house and fix the booter. Ahhh, the booter. Yes, it was true, we had gotten a hold of Tom E. Hawk Boot. Although the person who gave it to us shall remain unidentified, we were probably the only people outside of DG who had a copy. I realized that it would probably piss them off quite a bit if we left it as "Tom E. Hawk Boot". So I simply changed the encoding and put "The Bunnymen" in the center of the screen. I had done this by patching it by hand on "Intrigue", but The Raven didn't know how to do this. So I simply patched the booter and told him how to do it over the phone. It was only obvious to anyone who knew anything about disk access that we had stolen the booter. Tom E. Hawk sent mail to Lord Sauron (on The Haven of all places) saying that it was OK if we used the booter, but he wanted credit. Later we released "Continents and Countries". Not only did we have the "Hulk Bunny" crushing that stupid DG logo, but we changed the booter to "Bun E. Boot". This pissed off Tom. He said that we had no idea of how it worked, so we shouldn't be using it. Well, Tom the only thing I can say to that is I do. It would have been no big deal to steal it right off of any disk that you guys have put out. You place the track and sector numbers in pairs right after your name, which is "encoded" by EORing it with a $69. If you want me to Sourcerize it and comment it I will. But realize that if I do that, I won't just give you the source code (you don't need it), I'll give it to every damn person in the free-world (I wonder if that includes Canada?). Then your precious booter won't mean a thing. Besides, did you give EOA credit? Later, Schmucklock began to scream about "Intrigue". He stated that it was a bad crack, simply because we didn't bother with fixing the safe. So he had that awesome cracker The Sheik fix it. Little did he know that on CPU (801) 277-3200, Alley Cat already had fixed it. Alley Cat is the little brother of a good friend of mine. He is in 8th grade and he already knows more than 90% of Digital Gang. What the patch consisted of was changing track: $03, sector: $03, byte: $C6, from a $12 to a $11. That sounds like it is about your speed Trojan (whoops, I meant Sheik), you don't even change one byte, you change one bit. I haven't looked at your patch, but I imagine that uses about a dozen NOPs. From what I have heard from the Talisman, you didn't even crack "Neven Ending Story" by yourself. Maybe you should re-read your "Digital Dictionary" (What's next? Real Pirate Guide IX?) and look under "ignorent" (ig' ner ent (the e's are phonetic schwas), not pronounced "ig-ne-rent", you dumb ass-wipes). Should I even mention that "Incompetent" is pronounced "in kom' pi tent" (the e is also a schwa) and not "in-kam-pet-ent". Do you often kick yourself in the face Trojan or is this a new thing? Or was Triton and High Voltage responsible for your "incompetence"? Schmucklock later declared that I didn't crack "Raid Over Moscow" by myself. He said I used "Disk Jockey Kracks II". I don't even own that disk. I don't even have "DJ Kracks I". If I am such a lousy cracker, how did I do "Intrigue"? Oh yeah, I forgot, bad crack. Everything that comes out of an assembly language genius such as yourself Schmucklock has to be truth. You later ragged us because "Universe II" was an "old ware". Why were you planning to release it the day after? You want "old wares"? Look at "Instant Pascal". You also said that "Intrigue" was a stupid "mail-order ware". Ohh, I am so hurt by such a strong accusation. Today, Raven told me that someone had put out a text file called "Bunnymen Trivia". Apparently it was a sack of lies written by someone who was so guttless that they didn't even sign their name. Obviously another closet-case Digital Gang member. The file said that we had millions of members... Here is the member list as of today: Me, Raven, Lord Sauron, Cyborg, Marauder, Pac-Rat and Alley Cat. These are the people that actually do something. We don't define our members as only being able to distribute. Our distributors give us input on what needs to be done and they are respected for the job they do. We have about four of them. I don't want to name any of them, because I am not sure if they want to be included. I am sure that each and every group has just as many distributors as us. Well, that about summs it up. Everything you wanted to ever know about Digital Gang, but were afraid to ask. Recently, a boycott has been called against the Apple Trade Center. I fully support it. I never did call Apple Trade Center and I never will. I hear that have some pretty good Amiga wares up. I laugh at that. I have and will always have more Amiga wares than you Triton. Your friend Admiral Ackbar has learned that fact and now he is benefiting from it. You are so stupid, you probably don't even sleep right. You don't even have a prayer with the Amiga pirates. The Digital Gang may put out their "Bunnymen Trivia" and their "Digital Dictionaries" and their "Dragging Whore's Guide To Good Cooking", but always realize this. They don't know the first thing about me. I never talked with any of them on a friendly basis. So they can go ahead and ask their ass-kissers (ie: Punisher, The Watcher, and Pieces of Eight), to write all they want. I personally don't give a damn. Finally, I am asking everyone, not to just boycott Apple Trade Center, but everything Digital Gang does. If they upload something to your board, delete it. If a member signs on your board, don't let them on. The Bunnymen, First Class, and LSD can supply your every software need. Typed July 13, 1986, on an Amiga, by The Cookie Monster, user #34 on

(801) 277-3200. With thanks for advising to The Raven, user #65. Our apologies to Apple Spy.