------------ Anarchy inc. ...proudly presents... ------------ =- The Lord Omega School of =- -= Terrorism -= written by: >=< Lord Omega >=< Welcome, to the Lord Omega School of Beginning Terrorism. You will find that, in a very short time, terrorism is a fun an profitable career that almost anybody can do. First, we'll assume that you have no money. (After the cost of this class, you sure won't!) So, we'll start off cheap... Chapter one: Dress to Kill ----------- Clothing is a very important thing in a good terror- ist. You will notice that all of the recognized pros (ie, Fidel Castro, Yasir Arafat, Alexander Haig) all have their own special styles. But the main one we will be talking about is the standard olive drab uniform since it is the most used. As I said, I'll prepare you with almost no money. What you will be supplied with is a pair of olive drab pants, jacket, and canteen. Another important article of clothing is the headband. Face it, when have you seen a convincing terrorist without one? (On that note, when have you seen a terrorist...couldn't resist...dD) Some schools recommend a khaki one, but I prefer a nice shade of olive again. You must tie it around you hair and let at least 4-6 inches of cloth dangle after you have tied it. Any less and you will be recognized as a beginner and will probally be immediately shot. If you put a lot more cloth on it, then other terrorists will think you are pretentious and stuck up. Once again, you will probally be shot. For shoes, pretty much any brand will do in combat boots, but don't get an expensive "Macy's" pair since people will just laugh at you. Oh, remember: Make sure that all of the clothes are permanently soiled, and a little bit baggy. Chapter two: Weapons ----------- Let's face it, a good terrorist needs something to kill with, eh? You will be supplied with Army issue .45 caliber handguns at graduation, and a full bandoleer. This, however is only a temporary substitute. You will need to get a better weapon, preferably something fully automatic and big, for that matter. Fitting nicely in this catagory is the M-60. The gun can tear apart a building in seconds, and does wonders to enemies. (Think of what it could do to Matt Ackeret! ...dD) The only problem with it, is that it weighs about 53 pounds, empty. and about 63 lbs with a full banana clip. So, if you are a wimp, stick with a smaller gun. The best way to get an M-60 is to see someone who is carrying one and ask if you can borrow it. If he does not agree, kill him. If he agrees, kill him anyway, because only a stupid terrorist would give someone else his gun, and besides, he probally deserves to die anyway. Chapter three:Transportation ------------- This is a short chapter. All graduates will be supplied with a plane ticket to either the Mid-East, or any of the Central American countries. When you get there, go and steal a jeep. I recommend jeeps for transports since they are fast, and somewhat quiet. You can also mount your M-60 on a gun turret, and cut up pedestrans if you wish. Tanks are too difficult to steal, and they have a tendency to kill you when you stand in the road to get them to stop. Jeeps are also very fuel-econimical. They will do about 20 mpg city, 15 in the jungle. Chapter four: Which side? ------------ Well, it doesn't really matter which side you are on, as long as you get paid. That's what you came here for, didn't you? Terrorists tend to be paid best by the United States. But, it's been stated that Cherinkov is making the trade now very competitive. Who knows, in the future, he might be out-bidding the U.S... Chapter five:Conclusion ------------ Well, this may help you in your preparations for a fun-filled career of terrorism. If you chose to go to the Lord Omega School, you can apply for a lot of giverment grants, since we are widely recognized. We have a 97% placement record for our gratuates, and the government is still looking for more. This is the time! Go for the gold, and be what YOU want to be. [Editor's Note: Anarchy inc. is not responsible for you, if you go out into the world of terrorism, without taking classes from the Lord Omega School of Terrorism. We are not Blue Cross, we ignore all lawsuits, and any comments, questions, or otherwise will be answered by the Moon Roach. Thank you, and have a good bloody life.] Anarchy inc. "We take care of our own." Founded mcmlxxxiv by the Daredevil The Daredevil, Lord Omega, The Sheik, A Modem User, Surf Rat, The Moon Roach, Havoc The Chaos, Dark Shadow, Torqa Dun, Alexander of Atlantis, Ruby Tuesday, Teeny Bopper, Ronald S. VanZuylen, Eric C. Thompson, The Anarchist, Someone Else. Coming Soon: Advanced Terrorism, the protocol of killing. by Lord Omega For more information on this terrorism class, write to: The Lord Omega School of Terrorism 930 Amador Sunnyvale, Ca. 94086 (408) 732-1079 Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open